After Japan-Assignment Drunken Pirate Party!

[Solace]

Chandi had snuck away to her room a few minutes after entering their home, she needed to mediate and let her frayed nerves make heads or tails of themselves. A.J.’s near death experience had shook Chandi up real bad, seeing your dearest friend laying practically lifeless had the ability to scare the hell out of someone that much Chandi had figured out.

“Stop it!” Chandi scolded herself, having felt her mind drifting to a place she didn’t want to go, a place she’d learned to avoid years ago with monks in Tibet. As a teenager she’d been lost, aimless and confused. Having grown up with the praise of people in many countries but only praise for her acrobatic abilities in the circus. Little did they know that ‘The Talented Stray’ wasn’t just a costume and act, the owner of the circus had come up with the name of her act. Having always called Chandi his little stray, but if the audience only knew that the young Aussie wasn’t wearing a cat costume that she was in fact a mutant. Would they still have cheered so loudly when she took her first step onto the hire wire or last bow once she reached the ground? No because ‘normal’ people don’t cheer for mutants. Well not unless you’re an X-men, how was it they could get the whole world to love them yet she couldn’t even get one person to honestly and truly love her with no-strings attached?

Before Chandi knew it her mind was seeping deeper and deeper into her depression, something she’d always dealt with but hid it well behind a pleasant façade and confidant posture. What would they think if they found out the confidant woman she’d become was still the scared little girl hiding behind a shell of assurance and a gorgeous smile that still didn’t quite meet her eyes. What would people think if they found out she was a more villain then and angel, daughter of a upright man that hid is unseemly affairs with the mob behind a clean business man image and a mother who could pretend to care with the best of them but when push came to shove she’d be right there in the center pulling the puppet strings and making sure that ever horrid piece of the morbid puzzle Chandi called her life fell right into it’s proper place, would anyone still care about her if they knew the true Chandi?

“STOP IT!” Chandi beat her hands against the closed door of her bathroom, she couldn’t let the years she’d spent since leaving Valiant be lost again because she’d lost her center for a moment and allowed panic back into her life. She couldn’t lose herself again, not like this. “Just find your happy place.” Chandi pleaded with her mind, pushing her way out of the darkness, she wasn’t going to let herself believe the lies again.

‘Are they lies?’ The little voice in her mind asked her, the sinister sound of it alone made Chandi’s skin crawl. Though someone she couldn’t push it back into its cage like normal, she was losing grip on her own emotions. The monks in Tibet had taught her to keep her insecurities caged and in check, that was the only way she would be happy. But seeing A.J. motionless and dying had broken the lock on the cage and allowed Chandi’s fears to resurface and voice themselves. Maybe it’d been the thought that Chandi cared more about the people around her then they did her, could anyone in this building actual care about the petite black furry girl? None of them knew what it was like to be an outcast in society, all of them having their nice normal features. None of them having to deal with the name-calling and mutant bashing so blatantly like she had.

‘That’s not true’ another little voice screamed in her mind, this being the rational side of her. ‘Angelee knows what its like.’ The voice continued, reminding Chandi of the stories she’d heard of A.J.’s life in New Orleans of how a mob had chased her because of her wings and pink hair having taken her for a Mutant.

Frustrated with the inner battle her mind was playing with itself Chandi balled her fists into her long black hair and pulled, hoping the pain of tiny strands of her hair being ripped from her skull would hush the voices inside, calm the voices and allow her to go on living like she didn’t have inner demons or insecurities. Go back to the persona she’d created in New York, the confident beautiful daughter of an influential businessman whom keeps herself grounded by working as a Jockey/Bartender like any other normal person. Though many would know that she kept those jobs because of the endless free time she’d gained upon re-entering New York’s highest circle of sophisticated society.

The pain from her throbbing skull did in fact lesson the tension in her mind, the dull ache a comforting feeling for her. If there was one consent in Chandi’s life it was pain, physical, mental or any other kind. Taking one last look in the mirror at herself Chandi opened the bathroom door and made her way out into her room, quickly slipping into a pair of loose fitting dusty gray dressy draw string pants which were cuffed at the bottom (Though fashionable, they were cuffed so that they would not drag on the floor.), matching those with a fitted button down coral dress shirt, rolling up the sleeves to her elbows she took one last appraising look at herself in the full length mirror. Noting that her hair was unruly and wild falling down her back, though had a touch of elegance even in it’s disarray, shrugging her petite shoulders she undid the top three buttons on her shirt to reveal some cleavage and slide her feet into a pair of pointed toed black hills. Topping off her sophisticated yet laid back appearance Chandi felt like her self again, or at least the shell she’d created around herself.

“Time to drown my sorrows.” She muttered as she pulled open her bedroom door to find Vicki sleeping in front of it, smiling down at the German Shepard Chandi patted her head and stepped over her. “Come on girl, I could use some company.” Chandi spoke to the dog as she urged her to join her in her trip to the common room. Upon entering the common room she found Mulder, De, and Cameron. “I have a few hair bands you could borrow.” Chandi said a she entered the room, having heard De’s earlier question. “Feel free to go into my room and grab them. Just leave my underwear drawer alone.”